I have hurt people and I have been hurt, I have betrayed people and I have been betrayed,
I have let people down, and I have been let down by people. Whether it was me breaking
someone else’s trust or someone breaking my trust, it didn’t matter. The feeling of shame, the
embarrassment, and the overthinking was the same.
I have learned without trust you can’t have an authentic relationship. I have experienced
real friendship, real love, real mentorship and it is so much better than worrying about whether or
not someone values you or is going to take advantage of you. It’s also better than dealing with
the fact that you did someone wrong, so that is why I have a few rules that help me deal with
trust issues and keep me from breaking peoples trust. I am not perfect but when I am at my best I live my life by these rules.
Rule number 1 : Listen to your intuition
Sometimes you just know when something or someone isn’t right. Over time peoples actions reveal what their words cannot. That is how you know if someone is the real deal or they are just a talker. Judge them by their actions but if you haven’t spent enough time with them to be able to judge their character than trust your gut.
Rule number 2 :
Don’t put yourself in a position that will make people doubt your character. In some cases trust can be the deciding factor. In order to get a loan the banker needs to trust you, In order to get a management position your boss needs to trust you, In order to build a good relationship your future friend, business partner, or spouse need to trust you, etc. If people don’t have enough time around you they are left to make assumptions those assumptions are usually based off of your current actions or your previous history, so don’t cost yourself a loan, a position, a romantic relationship, or a business partner because you engage in sketchy situations.
Rule number 3 : Trust your self
Trust that you have the ability to learn anything because you do. Deliberate and consistent work towards learning a subject or skill has taught me that we are capable of learning anything no matter how hard it may seem. In simpler words, if you work on something every day you will get better at it.
Trust that you will do the work required to accomplish what you want to do. Some things
require a lot of time and effort so you may think that the goal is not worth it because you will
start the process and then quit. Well like Joe Rogan once said “ You are not a quitter, you’re
simply a person that has chosen to quit before”. Time doesn’t stop and everyday you’re doing
something even if its just scrolling social media, so why not make that something that you do the work that is necessary to accomplish your goal.
Trust that you are capable of figuring things out. A good example of this is the countless amount of people who have learned how to fix small issues on their vehicles because they had no money for a mechanic. Life is unpredictable and there will always be unplanned situations that can make life difficult for us, but as humans we have the ability to problem solve. Remember that whenever a problem occurs so that your thoughts are focused on finding a solution instead of them being focused on complaining about the situation, you will get better results if you do.
Rule number 4 : Don’t let them abuse your trust.
We trust that are romantic partner will not cheat, we trust that are friends will not
tell our secrets, we trust that our jobs will not take advantage of us, we trust in so many different
ways, but what happens when that trust gets broken? Well, that is an answer that each of us have
to answer for ourselves. I believe in second chances but I also believe in setting limits. There are
certain things you should never allow someone to do to you, but you should keep in mind that
mistakes are inevitable. My advice to you is, you should pay attention to people patterns and
history. Eventually people reveal their true character through their actions and judging them by
their actions and not their words can save you from having a painful experience. If you choose to
forgive someone for breaking your trust that’s okay, hopefully they wont do it again but be
conscious about whether or not they learned from that mistake and if they truly value their
Rule number 5 : Remember how it feels.
If you have ever been cheated on than you know how much it hurts. If someone has ever stolen from you than you know how devastating it can be. There are many other ways that your trust can be broken but the point is that having your trust broken is difficult to deal with. I think that the most interesting thing about life, in the western world, is that we get to choose what kind of person we want to be. Every day we make decisions including the decision to be a trust worthy person or to be someone who can’t be trusted, I hope that you understand this and I hope that whoever you let into your life makes the decision to honor your trust. However, sometimes being hurt is necessary for your growth. I remember the pain that I went through when certain people did me wrong. As much as I was hurt, it ended up being a good thing because it taught me what type of person I never want to be.
What type of person do you want to be? Maybe, remembering how it feels to be betrayed, let down, or cheated on will help you make that decision.
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